Mutuality. A really cool word my coach came up with on our call this past week. We were talking about want I wanted out of life. Work, home, friendships, love, you name it, then he asked me to explain what I wanted in each of those areas and at the end he simply said “So clearly, you desire mutuality in your relationships.” Interesting, I thought. Could it be that easy? One word pretty much summing it up? As I thought about it, my answer was “yes.”
I want to be clear here, I’m not looking for a clone of myself, that would be a bore, differences can be the coolest thing ever but does a relationship feel a bit more grounded when you have some things in common? Even a few? I think so. Here’s my other caveat. I don’t expect a cloned “give and take” either. I want to say I naturally seemed to have friends that rolled like I did in many aspects but now that couldn’t be further from the truth. I love doing things for people and by doing things that might translate into a little surprise this or a little surprise that, a kind statement or a post in social media to say that I was thinking about them.
What I have found on the flip side is that most of my friends these days don’t operate the way I do and that’s ok. Here’s why. They show their love in different ways. I might give you an impromptu goodie, you might give me stellar advice. I might pop you a card in the mail, you might make me laugh during a down day. In other words, mutuality. It’s that simple.
Lopsided relationships just don’t cut it with me anymore. Like saying you want to get together, my reaching out and nothing transpires. After a second request has been overlooked, I step back. I still love ya’, I just won’t chase you. Why? Because mutuality really does mean that much to me. How about you? What do you want out of your closest relationships? Ask, seek, find, define and live that truth.
Life’s too doggone short to spend it with people who only tolerate you, when you can be with the ones who celebrate you.