I Love You, But...

January 1, 2017


You're driving me nuts!  


How many times in life do the people we love most make us crazy beyond what we ever thought possible?  


I've been in that boat a lot over the past two weeks.  I'm someone who works from home and is alone 13-hours a day, 5 days a week and occasionally a Saturday as well.  This has been my life for several years now and like anyone, I've gotten used to it.  Very used to it and quite frankly, I don't just like it, I LOVE IT!


I love having the place to myself.  Totally quiet if I wish, a little music on, burn some incense, light a candle, sit by the fireplace, meditate, work, write, dance in the kitchen to Kid Rock, you name it and all with the freedom to go from thing to thing with very few interruptions.   


That is until my family heads home for the holidays.  Over two weeks of a full house.  I love my family. Please, don't even go there.  I know what I'm saying isn't what a proper mom or wife is supposed to but I like to speak up for some of the people out there who don't fall into "how we're supposed to be" in many parts of life because we exist too and shouldn't be ashamed because we love or think differently.  


So in a nutshell...I've been going nuts!  I feel confused with the additional clutter, overwhelmed by the messes around, I'm tired from all the socializing, in other words, I am totally out of my element but determined to work with what is.


Not an easy thing to do but here are a few things I've learned to help myself cope, maybe one of two of these things will keep you from going completely nuts at some point as well.  Bless you, my child.


1) Find some peace!  Get away for a bit, close your bedroom door, go to bed early, meditate, hide in your closet, take a walk.  Be alone, it's a great way to shake off any feelings of overwhelm.    


2) Breathe.  I find breathing in for a count of 3, holding for 2 and slowly releasing for 4, relaxes me. Deep belly breathing does as well.  What's nice about the breath is that it's with us all the time AND we can use it anytime.  #gobreath


3) Conversations.  Keep them light and upbeat if you can.  I'm finding heavy stuff isn't doing anything to help me right now.  Bless and release those in your life for the short-term until you can get back to them feeling a bit more centered.  I know I have felt like an empty bucket many days, not much left to give to others right now and that's ok.  I don't need any extra self-imposed guilt, thank you.


4) Let go.  Easier said than done but learning not to take things personally, I know I've said and done stupid things these past two weeks but it's all on me, I own my part 100%.  So if I've offended you, I apologize.  


5) Self-Compassion. I have a lot going on in my life right now (on top of the full-house) and to add to the party, my self-confidence has been awfully low with my self-critic at an all time high.  So learning to sit with what's going on and instead of battling between my ears, trying to talk to myself like I would a dear friend, seeking reassurance and comfort. 


And, finally... 


6) Allowing myself the "Grace of Space."  The ability to know that I am imperfect, I do the best I can (and my best may be far off from yours), I try not to judge (keyword TRY) since our judgments of one another are bad enough without me railing against myself and thanks to my future son-in-law who gave me a delightful pep-talk recently, keeping the faith.  Faith in my creator as well as myself.  Faith in other human beings that they too will possess some grace when dealing with folks such as me and faith that in the end, all will be well.


True confessions on this first day of a New Year!


Wishing you a year abundant with the powers of peace, breath, joyful conversation, the ability to let go, to love yourself and most of all to know that this "being human" can be one nutty row to hoe.    



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