It's funny, my piece last week ended up being a sort of update on something I learned awhile back but continue to find deeper meaning in today, this piece it seems will follow suit.
A couple of years ago, I was turned onto the idea of the people in our lives being "mirrors" of us and at the time I found it very hard to wrap my head around, especially if "externally", the way we behaved and moved in the world, differed greatly.
For instance, after about a year had passed from me learning the above, I looked at my closest friend who is quite different than I am by most accounts and instead of seeing what we didn't have in common, how we couldn't possibly be "mirrors", for the first time, I finally saw it!
My friend possesses a free spirit, a gypsy's soul and a rebel's heart, something I had no idea that I too possessed until it emerged. Many internal struggles ensued before it did and much time had passed but I knew for a fact, what was inside her, was inside me as well. It's like there was a fog and I couldn't see myself in her until I was supposed to, until I could.
Just a couple of months ago and a good year past my above revelation, I met one seriously cool woman via the Internet while researching information for a class I was teaching. I watched YouTube videos, read her blog, bought her book and "ponied-up" to have an hour-long call with her last week. To say our hour together was eye-opening would be an understatement, it was life-defining.
Enter "mirror talk" once again and another facet appeared that my teacher was there to help me discover. She reaffirmed that yes, anyone close to us mirrors who we are inside but those same people are not just mirrors of our highest selves and our best qualities, they can be mirrors of our fears, our insecurities (many from childhood) our deepest desires and yes, even the things we dare not say to ourselves.
I was challenged to look at relationships I found a struggle in and was prodded by my teacher to understand what inside of me was being mirrored by those relationships. The insights were incredible. Long-held beliefs about myself that I was unconscious of, made themselves known - in no uncertain terms. The dysfunction? Explained. Understanding? On so many levels. Mirror? Yes! It was a "game changing" experience for me.
All fine and good right? But how does what I learned, translate into your life? Well, let's start with the relationships in your life that are closest and working, what are you "putting out" that you're "getting back?" If you are an honest, loyal, kind person, I bet those you have the best connections with are the same. Is it true? Can you find "mirrored" qualities?
Now, look at someone close to you that you struggle with. What is it in them that's an issue inside of you? For example, does that person criticize you a lot? My teacher would then challenge you to expand your thinking by asking "Where are YOU criticizing yourself right now?" "And tell me what is it in you that you would allow someone to treat you this way?" Or, in the effort of fairness and transparency, "Do YOU criticize them?"
Mirrors! All of them! What goes up, comes down and what you put out there, you get back. I'm seeing it everywhere I go now. If you are currently being treated poorly, I implore you to ask yourself the most important question - "How am I treating myself in that space?"
Once I hung up the phone, I started to think about other relationships I have and how they "reflect" me and I got a warmth in my heart and a smile on my face in no time flat. I still have a fabulous mix of human beings in my life, more than my fair share I assure you and many who have been around for ages, but when I took a moment to focus on some "newer" people in my life, in an effort to see what I might currently be "putting out there and getting back", I was astonished.
I do have THE most incredible new people in my life, giving me love, support, respect, acceptance and with one soul, in particular, humor, inspiration and a revitalized love and honor for creativity, in all its forms, from conversation to color, dreams to dance and what a joy that is!
I sat there in awe. I sat there with tears. Feeling like I was looking in a mirror for the first time, completely recognizing the woman "in the glass", looking back.
Without a moment's hesitation, I reached out and gave her my hand 'cuz I knew instinctively, she and I - were going places and I'm not looking back, there's no need.
I like what I see in that reflection and it took me so damn long to get here.
So damn long to say...
Welcome home, Jennifer.
"Be easy. Take your time. You are coming home to yourself." - The Becoming - Wing