Don't Push It

October 17, 2017

We human beings are a tenacious lot at times, aren't we?  We can hang in there way too long, we hope, we wish and pray for a different result than we are currently experiencing and along the way, we push people. 


In some cases, we push and push and push until ultimately something gives.  Either it's us or the people we've been putting the pressure on.  But eventually, something or someone snaps.


For example, let's say you wish people in your life were different than who and what they are.  In fact, maybe you've gone well beyond the wishing stage and you're into full-blown "asking" or even "telling" others how they can live better if only they did __________ instead of __________.


We toy with, we cajole, we downright manipulate with either our charm or a heightened sense of alarm towards those we wish were different.  Call it what you will, advice, suggestions, nagging, support etc. if it's unsolicited or not affirmed once we ask if we may make a suggestion, it's pushy. 


Life can be so much easier with all your relationships if you just remember these simple concepts.  When people you care about do not live in a way as to please you, you do have choices. 


Number one, understand and accept the person just the way they are.  Literally, envision space around them (I like to think of them in a bubble) so you have lots of room between who they are and who you are.  In that beautiful space, a LOT of acceptance and thinking before speaking can occur.  Sweet.  


Number two, they are incapable of thinking, being or doing what you wish.   I have a quote I adore and it goes like this "Someone once asked me, 'Why do you always insist on taking the hard road?' I replied, 'Why do you assume I see two roads?'”  I love it because it reminds us that just because we "see" something doesn't mean that another can, wants to or will.  Oh!  And it's not our job to be some sort of life "tour guide" showing them the way.  Trust me, if people want your wisdom, they will seek you and it out.


Number three, they are unwilling to do what you want.  That one is pretty straightforward.  Getting real to get things right.  Yeah, after years of struggle, that partner of yours doesn't want to do "date nights" once a week.  Oh, and your co-worker?  She isn't going to take that portion of the project you offered-up with a pretty smile and a doughnut last week.  And finally, your kid isn't going to go to school for what you're "encouraging" them to go for...they don't want to be that when they grow-up.  Breathe.  Unwilling.  Perfect.


Number four.  If you don't like number two, try one.  If you don't like number three and their unwillingness to do what you wish is making you miserable, try number one, leave, distance yourself or be miserable. 


Just you and your thoughts about how other people "should" behave.  Nice.


Tired?  I bet.  Life with its people and relationships wearing you out?  I have an idea.  


Stop pushing.  

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