Hocus Pocus

October 25, 2017

'Tis the season for spells, potions, magic and notions.  So I guess I shouldn't be surprised when a little "hocus pocus" entered my life today.  


Since human beings and what makes them tick is such a place of interest and passion for me, I am frequently intrigued by our behaviors, both as individuals and collectively.  


This day began with my finding out that someone whom I've considered a friend, did something in a "round about way" that could have led to a meaningful loss.  Ironically, this friend shared their distaste for the exact behaviors when a mutual friend was doing a similar act.  


At first, I have to admit, I was a little disappointed in her choice.  Then I got curious, as I tend to do a lot these days and asked myself "Why are you disappointed in what she did?"  And I thought - I guess I had an expectation that a "friend" wouldn't behave that way.  But she did so that's where my disappointment stemmed from.  I reminded myself that whenever we have expectations of another we run the risk of being disappointed. 


It's OK, I said.  You had an expectation, it's clear she didn't have the same and that's cool.  Now you know.  Let it go.  So I did.  I don't have any bad feelings about this person, I just thought it was funny I expected anything from her since in all honesty, I don't know her very well so why on earth did I make up some "rule" I believed she should have been following?    


Next insight came about an hour later when my coffee date and I realized we had a friend in common.  A discussion ensued on how we knew this person and our levels of engagement with her and once again, something I thought about this woman, about my relationship with her, wasn't true.  It wasn't a bad thing, it actually made me laugh. 


For the second time, I got curious and realized I had expectations that this person and I had some sort of exclusive agreement.  I was quite mistaken!  I came to find out that she has a similar agreement with many more people than just I.  Silly me!  


Expectations once again leading to disappointment.  Even a mild case with a little laughter.


No incantations, no magic elixir, no wave of the magic wand necessary.  It's quite simple.  Anytime you have any expectations of another flawed and typically not "overly self-aware human being", you can end up disappointed.  Funny thing is both the people in my story today are acquaintance-friends, not close friends and yet I still found myself a little disappointed.  


No wonder people use big, charged words like "betrayed" when it comes to closer friends making choices not in alignment with our expectations and we become profoundly disappointed. 


The advice though, of no expectations, from strangers to soul mates remains the same.


I want to take a moment to acknowledge the magic that graced me today.  The magic of self-awareness (where my curiosity came from) and the ability to sanely take something and diffuse it almost immediately.  I am committed to living a content life and these skills served me well.


Hocus Pocus!  Thank goodness for the focus!  <3

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