I'm so doggone inspired today! With my daughter's wedding done (it was this past weekend) I have some space back so I think my creativity decided to "kick the door open" and declare "I'm here!"
I may still be a bit tired and rusty but I feel moved to write more than just the morning post I put on Facebook, so here goes.
I was listening to a wonderful talk by spiritual teacher, Marianne Williamson yesterday. It was around the subject of neediness and intimacy in relationships.
After doing a little research it was evident to me that although Marianne spoke of intimate relationships taking many forms, most American's equate intimacy with romance. More specifically with sexual relationships. End of story.
I thought, what a limiting way to live and what a huge burden for your beloved to bear. If your partner is the only person you have an intimate relationship with, you may wish to broaden your definition of what an intimate relationship looks like and with whom you decide to "go there" with.
When I looked up the definition of the word "Intimate", wonderful words like close, familiar, affectionate, loving, warmth and deep understanding came up. Once again, imagine putting all that on one person? Expecting them to provide that to you, sometimes for a lifetime.
I love how the talk shared that when we are drawn to another being, you as well as they experience a sort of "Spontaneous Enlightenment", a moment of "Wow!" like we have a cool familiarity going on, an inexplicable attraction. The feelings of "I like being around you, with you, talking to you etc." are obvious and quite mutual.
What that "Wow!" and the subsequent "Spontaneous Enlightenment" signals is that this person is here to teach you something. All relationships do but these, these are destined to. Hence the bit of "fireworks" when they begin, it's all designed to grab your attention.
All too often we see those types of things as "signs" that this is THE person and we begin to attach, wanting them to make us feel like they did all those "Wow!" times, sometimes for all of eternity. We become needy and I don't think there's anything less attractive than being really needy. I've been really needy, and I felt anything but good when I occupied that space.
Films like "Jerry Maguire" propagate the romantic idea that we need someone else to "complete us" when truth is, we are complete beings from the moment we are born. In fact, if anything, it's way sexier to be a complete person, spending time with another complete person than being one or two needy people clinging desperately to each other.
A well-rounded being sees that intimacy is beautiful in friendships, co-working relationships, with family etc. and when you "fill your bucket" in many different places, you are much less likely to be so ravenous and starving for intimacy when you see any partner you may have. In fact, I was taught just the opposite, that you have much more to give to a partner because you have been so "fed", you are overflowing with the desire to share. Overflowing with the desire to share those beautiful things like closeness, deep understanding and affection.
What a beautiful thought. I loved it.
Expanding our thinking about where and with whom we can enjoy intimate relationships, understanding that relationships are the classrooms of our lives, that people we feel drawn to are placed in front of us for a reason, the reason being to clear another path that keeps us from loving fully and finally, knowing, not just understanding, that we are complete whether we have someone as a partner with us in this space and time or not.
I don't know about you...
But she had me at "Spontaneous Enlightenment."