April 28, 2018

I would think most of us were pretty doggone young the first time we passionately uttered the word "mine" and "namin' and claimin'" has been goin' on ever since.  


Maybe you think this post will be about many humans greedy nature or their natural inclination towards survival so they need to get what's theirs...and then some.  But no, although that might be fun fodder for a future piece, that's not my direction with this one.  


What's on my mind and what I wanted to share in this blog post was how often we can withhold from one another and I'm not just talking in the realm of possessions. We can withhold affection, truth, praise, love, physical touch, uplifting or encouraging words, the list goes on and on and we choose to withhold, whether conscious of it or not, for just as many reasons.


Some folks are raised with an inbred sense of scarcity and lack.  The perception being that is there is never enough to go around, so with things like "praise" in short supply we "hoard it" and dole it out very infrequently for fear that if we give too much away, there will be nothing left when we go back to "check the cupboards."  


Some folks are afraid to be vulnerable for fear of seeming weak or they are afraid to show affection for fear that the affection may not be returned in kind or in some cases, it will... 


I have found the more self-awareness I cultivate the more I notice how often I am guilty of this very thing.  Withholding.  It's not in many places and I'm just now getting a handle on the roots of it all but yes, I can find myself "putting the internal brakes on" when I don't need to and I ask myself "why?"  What's up with that?  If you've been to even one of my classes you know how passionate I am about getting curious about why I feel or behave the way I do.  


Because it's only when we get curious about why we do what we do and we're honest with ourselves that we can then choose to make different decisions.  Ones that honor and serve our highest selves, the self, the space we wish to live out of today not the habitual one keeping us small and cut off.


I took a course in Buddhist studies last year and learned all about motivation.  And no, it's not the "You got this, Girl!" kind of motivation, it's the "What's the REAL reason I'm doing this?" motivation.  When I become aware of the fact that I'm intentionally withholding, I stop, get curious and ask myself, "What IS the real reason I'm doing this?" and the answers are fascinating.


It's amazing how often I am just being selfish, immature, petty or am trying to achieve a desired outcome.  I know it's behavior tied to something I picked up a long time ago but unless we stop and look at our tendencies to literally or figuratively shout "MINE!" we will never get to the root of why we withhold.


When we withhold we lose and we hurt others in the process.  A quote I read recently affirms this "No response is a response.  And it's a powerful one.  Remember that." Withholding can equate to game-playing, it can be manipulative, it deprives only us in the end, it's a waste of precious time and resources and my guess is the answer as to the REAL reason you are doing it, won't be anything to be proud of or contribute to your evolution, I know it hasn't been with me.  


On the other hand when we allow good things to simply flow to those we wish to have contact with, from heart-centered conversation to hugs we end up in a "win-win" situation. 


Mine?  What's the point?  It began way back as childish banter and at 51 it still seems awfully childish to this girl.  What are you afraid of?    


What's the REAL reason, my friend? 

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