I don't know if any of you can relate but one day I woke up and realized that I was doing one mean backstroke in an ocean of dysfunction (much of the ocean my creation) with absolutely no emphasis on the "FUN" if you know what I mean.
So there I was surrounded by the polluted water, tired from the swim and going down quickly. I could literally feel myself being enveloped by the dysfunction and I was almost too exhausted to do anything about it.
Way before I began teaching classes on self-care, way before I really knew what it was and how to implement it, I did know I was a stone's throw away from losing it and I needed to get out of the dirty, scary water and breathe. Doing that took many forms but looking back, all the forms fell under the banner of self-preservation, mental, emotional and physical.
From taking space and using it to understand how I got in this position in the first place to exiting the lives of people who did nothing but add to the agony of the swim, I began to see that everyone else wasn't more important than me. That "keeping the peace" was a joke, since there was no peace in all that dysfunction, whether I spoke up or not. That I mattered too and a mentally unhealthy Jennifer, served no one.
Yesterday, I was reminded of how far I've come on the shores of self-awareness, self-care and most importantly, self-respect and how the boundaries I put in place, keep in place and continue to erect are beautiful, soul-saving things.
Yesterday I realized that there are no prizes given out to people that put up with the most amount of shit. Only anguish, suffering, grief and misery.
Tired from your own swim?
The real prize is a life lived with you as a priority, not an after-thought and if those around you cannot see and value you in a reasonable way, either because they are unwilling or unable, save yourself, my friend.
No prize, remember that.
You to the rescue! Bravo!