Why Me?

July 18, 2018

Ever find yourself "Pity Partying" and in full-blown "Why me?" mode?  I think it's funny when I do because I've acquired a few skills over the years to understand the things that happen to me and yet I find myself back at the party with the same answer coming up every time..."Why NOT you, Silly?"  Still the initial question prevails.  


Recently, I've been finding myself in varying degrees of trouble.  As in "getting in trouble."  IKR?  So "five-year-old!"  Admittedly, I'm a person who likes to color outside the lines but I'm not exactly a hellion or the devil incarnate, yet it seems I have a keen knack for whizzing people off lately.   


I found myself profoundly bummed out today thinking about it and I tried to understand what's been going on since "Why me?" and the party, just weren't cutting it, so I went outside to take a walk.  I find the clearest connection to the present moment, myself and higher powers reside out there, so out I went.  Once I began walking it wasn't long that a couple ideas came to mind.  One understandable, one quite powerful.    


The first thought that crossed my mind about 5 minutes in was that I am in front of and around a whole lot more people these days than even this time last year.  More humans plus more exposure equals more critics!  Doesn't lessen the sting but it explains that the more I put myself "out there" the more my chances of displeasing someone increases. Got it. Sigh. 


Another pity party wave rolled over as I thought about how misunderstood I am, how I've always been SO misunderstood..."They just don't get me.", I thought.  Wah, wah, wah.  Then it hit me!  I know that adversity strengthens, I also know that when I am criticized, I strive to find some lesson in it, even amidst the most hurtful criticisms.  What is this here to teach me?  I think.  What can I learn and use moving forward?  I consider.   


The "getting in trouble" mode for me is typically followed by disbelief (Hello, Ego!) then "Ouch!" followed by the question "What is this here to teach me?"  Right then, during my walk, as I was rolling this stuff over in my mind,  I envisioned a slingshot.  I envisioned myself pulled back in that slingshot and put that image together with my recent woes.  


Maybe, just maybe I've been "having issues", being held back, so I could potentially "clean things up a bit" or do some checking in on my boundaries, like whether I needed to strengthen some or build new ones all together so when destiny or the fates decided it was time to let that slingshot go, I could TRULY fly.


I don't know if I've got a point or I'm simply trying to self-soothe but I'm good either way because the party and this "bum out" isn't serving me at all.    


When you seem to keep "stepping in it" what do you do to clean up and move on? 


I am and will always continue to be a work in progress, incidents like these prove it.  I'm also glad I don't take to heart what people say to or about me or I would be schizophrenic.  In the same day, sometimes in the same hour, I can have one soul say or write me things that literally have me in the running for sainthood and the next, call me names and accuse me of dastardly things.  


C'est la vie, c'est la vie yet I'll continue to ask "Why me?" 

How about you?

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