I have to admit it's been a long time since I was jealous about anything, at least anything big enough to recall. I believe all the training and practice I've had over the past 3 years has allowed me to accept reality with a bit more grace and ease so I don't "bump up against" jealousy very often. But I've come to find out when I do...I hit it hard and in a big way.
Like striking a gong I found with this recent "hit" the reverberations lasted way longer than the initial blow and quite honestly, it and they, threw me for a loop. Once I had seemingly played every roll in the "drama" out, complete with dialogue I might add, the feelings that remained were still strong enough to have "taken up residence" in my body with a "stickiness" that told me they weren't going away on their own, any time soon.
Enter Jennifer's desire to refresh her "toolkit" since relying on what was there when I was still so emotional and "highly charged" wasn't working as well as I had hoped. Off to dive back into the teachings I've consumed in the past about this subject matter and although the "stickiness" still "sticks", its power to make me uncomfortable has been greatly diminished. Thank, God!
I am so removed from living in, with and around dramatic things, feelings, people, etc. it's clear from this most recent episode when I find myself "tossed in", I am in search of an internal "life ring" ASAP!
Two tools resonated with me in handling my jealousy and a shift in the way I was thinking, so if you don't mind, I'll share what helped me navigate the consuming feelings.
Let's begin with the shift in thinking as this reminder was huge. Jealously is a perfect indicator of some unmet need or needs. When we feel jealous we believe we are lacking or "less than" someone else in a specific area. For example, I'm jealous because someone at the office got more praise for a job we worked on as a team than I did. I'm jealous but honestly what I really am is looking for validation of a job well done and a little recognition. Got the concept? Try this idea out, it's powerful and true. Bottom line, what someone else possesses, you crave and desire it to...so now what?
First of all, remind yourself that jealousy is based entirely on comparison and discontentment (never enough - we can never get enough) and it won't let you be in peace. That idea alone "sold me" because there is absolutely no value in "sizing myself up" to another, nor does discontentment or lack of peace sound like a price I'm willing to pay for any length of time. All of it makes sense.
And second, (pun intended) it's much, much easier in many cases to actually be second, rather than first. Being "at the top", the #1, the first choice, the best, is harder to maintain and can contain much more pressure than one gentle step down. Tell your ego to be quiet here because THIS is a great tool and good advice as well. Advice I'm taking. Advice I've already taken.
So "Hello, Jealousy!" I'd like to say it was nice seeing you again but that would be an epic lie. What it was, was very informing, a reminder that I am still one serious "work in progress", that I am quite human and know where I am in need so I can keep my sanity and beloved contentment a fixture in my life.
Settling into second.
Knowing it is exactly where I am meant to be.